There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
