I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I stole a fireplace last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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