I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
