So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
