If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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