So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
