am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
