your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
