If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
