You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you didnt know i had herpes?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
