there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
