then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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