i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
