yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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