Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
