someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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