You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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