you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
