Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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