3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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