your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
