I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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