i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
