just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
