I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
