Say something about gay babies.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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