i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
