My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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