I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
