I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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