thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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