you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she smelled like a LAN party
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're a waste of cheezeits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
