too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
