he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
