Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
