I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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