he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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