I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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