I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
