girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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