Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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