dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
