I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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