Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
