I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
