Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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