Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
