try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
