everyone is single if you try hard enough
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
