my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
