ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
