dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
